Wednesday, October 9, 2013

파란 눈물에 파란 슬픔에 길들여져

I spent the whole day distressed on the couch, staring at old episodes of Northern Exposure and despairingly petting my lil' kitty Houdini. Totally dejected and unmativated. Numb. 
All i really wanted to do this week was to lay down in the grass and smoke while watching the fluffy looking clouds passing. 
I think this day on the couch marks the peak of my psychical burn-out and collapeses into a directionless denial of all the things i suppose to do if i ever want to get out of this state of mind/soul. 

I re-read my blog and found out i was kinda quiet about myself except if it comes to my love for Block B. Here's to make a bit more clear picture about what i've been doing.

making: (day)dreams. all day.
cooking: deep fried mushrooms with rice and veggies
drinking: coffee
reading: i just finished Miss Pregerine's home for peculiar children by Ransom Riggs and  started Keigo Higashino's The devotion of suspect X
wanting: peace and freedom for my mind, soul and body
looking: for goo and gremlings in my Springfield in TSTO
listening: old songs of Rolling Stones
wasting: my youth inside the four walls of my room
wishing: i didn't have to live in a village with no options fo the life i want for myself
enjoying: long walks in the chilly autumn days
growing: cactus
watching: Northern Explosure marathons and people rushing through their life like poisoned mouses from the window of the bus.
waiting: for the chance to escape
following: the advices of my psychologist
liking: everything Block B does recently
collecting: dust and cobwebs in my room
wondering: how did i end up where i am now?
loving: my little cat, Houdini and everything with chocolate
missing: the real me
hoping: for better days to come
marvelling: at autumn and how this crazy blue weather make me happier
needing: space for myself
smelling: smoke of cigar
wearing: skinny jeans and pirate boots (always), Homer t-shirt, and usually also knitted sweater and a navajo-ish black and white scarf
noticing: how some people can be very mean to each other despite they say they love them
knowing: not as many things i would want to know
thinking: i should start some creative activity
feeling: unexplainably sad

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