Wednesday, January 2, 2013

This is me. I used to have a long light brown, middle back lenght hair in my whole life. Did you ever go for a drastic change like me?

I cut my hair first in Seoul. Why did i do it? Frankly speaking I had a boyfriend for 7 months and he was in love with my long, silky hair as he called it. But after he broke up i wanted to get rid of it becouse it just made me remember him everytime i looked at myself. So i cut it.

But first not this short. I choosed to change when i went out on a date with a guy who asked me on our second date what did i think when i first saw him. When i asked back he replied: “I thought you are a 보통 (bo-tong)” What means in korean something like usual, typical, geneal. In short: nothing special. So i decided not to dat him anymore, If i’m just a 보통 for him than why would i spend my time on him? Honestly first it hurt me for a while. I was thinking for a week when i found out, it’s not that i am a 보통 person, but the fast is that i didn’t really show my personality outside with my hair, clothes, etc. So i looked deep inside me and decided, i want to look how i reall am inside. So i went to a hair saloon and cut and dy and here are is the result.

It was the best thing i ever did in my life! I never felt so me in my life, I have to admit i love myself with short hair, and i never felt this way before. But i learned something important when i came back home from Korea. If you live abroad people will accept you, becouse all of you came from different places so all of you are different and they don’t know your past so you just accept everybody as they are. But returning home made me recognize how much people hate when you try to be yourself. But for now, i just want to talk about the outlook.
Usually I freaking don’t care what others think about me but this thing makes me so damn fucking upset. Since I came home everywhere I go relatives and friends and people they know me somehow greet me saying “Woah! what the hell happened to you? Umm… it’s not that bad, don’t be sad, it will grow fast and you can re-dy it any time you want, it’s not the end of the world” instead of saying Hello!
Sounds like I complain and cry over my lng beautiful hair all the time, right?
But guess it, did they ever ask me? NO! 

When I asked them “Why do you say this? I like my hair” they were all like: “Realy? Oh then sorry… but I thought you don’t like it cuz its so….so…” and they never finish…But there are some people they finish it saying it makes me so ugly, and the long hair was useful cuz i could use it to hide my fat and bad skin, and this hair so not me, and i won’t have a boyfriend becouse guys don’t like girls with short hair.

There are people telling to my granny and to my mom to tell me that i have to change my hair becouse it makes me ugly and a respectable girl doesn’t go out on the streets like me.

*cough* Well, they’re being rude but they don’t see… And you know what? If i say something not nice, and even if i don’t say a word at all just look at them with my “would-you-go-and-die” look they call me rude and mean. Oh, you just step on my heart and my self-esteem with high heels, don’t you? 

1) I like my hair and this is the real me! I never felt like myself when i had the long hair. Who are you to call anybody ugly? The fact that you like what you see in the mirror doesn’t mean you can call others ugly just becouse they don’t look how you like. Maybe people you call ugly are pretty in the eye of everybody else.

2) People should NEVER wear a hairstlye just becouse that is useful. Useful for what? Hiding yourself? No! Hair should be useful to help you to show your personality. There’s nothing more obviouse as your hair for this role. 

3) I know it well i have bad skin, nobody needs to trow it in my face, thank you. Hiding my bad skin with my hair? Thanks no, make up was invented for this role, your hair has nothing to do with your skin. Use my hair to hide my fat? You mean my double chin what i don’t have? Sorry, but my fat is around my waist not my head…

4) Who are you to tell me: This hair is so not you! Do you know me at all? Guess no, cuz all my friends say i look much better with this hair, even if they don’t like it they know i feel much better in my skin, so they love it too. If you say the opposite you don’t know me at all, so shhhhht!

5) I won’t have a boyfriend with short hair? Well, srew it! Who needs a boyfriend who loves her just becouse of her long hair? You’re right, nobody! If i have a boyfriend i want him to love me for my personality more and not only for my long hair.

6) And for those who think i’m ugly, and telling to my grandma and to my mom to tell me that i HAVE to change my hair: if you have something to say, tell it in my face or SHUT THE FUCK UP! Be brave to tell your opinion in my face and not just behind my back, but get ready to get you own package from me too… Would you do a new year resolution for me? Mind your own business!

I feel proud cuz I was brave enough to go for this change. Everybody should try it once in a life.

I don’t want to be a person who is accepted and loved by everybody. That won’t be me. I don’t want to be a 보통. Why would I? If i can be myself, why would i want to be like everybody else? 

Everybody else…it says that you don’t stand out, you’re not unique. I want to stand out. I never fit in any large community, so why whould i want to look like a different person from the person i really am? 

It was painful to realize this, but it was worth it, really… If we don’t learn from simple lessons life will hurt us to open our eyes if there’s no other way.
I also learned if i want to be true to myself, i have to learn to let the rude comments just pass me by. Don’t care! 

I see posts in tumblr with the message “you’re beautiful”. I never undestood it but now i think i got it. It doesn’t mean that you personally are beautiful but the YOU is beautiful, and the YOU only can be beautiful when it really means you. What i want to say is, you’re beautiful if you are you, and not the copy of somebody else. Doesn’t matter who you are if you’re truthful to yourself, you are a beautiful person! Never forget this!

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